Dating in a Distance

I am dating a guy who lives almost 10,000 km away from me.

No way! Are you serious!?

That’s a very very typical reaction when people find out about my relationship. I can always see it coming. 

Timothy and I have known each other since 2016. To be honest, it isn’t that long to be so surprised but somehow it feels longer when dating in a distance.

Some people wonder how we make it work. Well, the fact is, I don’t know too. Things just happened and now I am hooked. At first, I was like, pfffffff dude, the distance is nothing. You guys overreacted. But sure enough it’s not nothing... Well, not that I would trade the world for what we have for each other now. But I also wish things were much easier for us.

Dating, in general, is actually a lot of work already. You take your time to get to know each other. You try to figure out if this person is worth compromising or maybe changing some of your lifestyle and habits, but also trying not to lose your own self too much at the same time. You invest your time, energy, and feelings for this person. Some people take weeks or months to ensure if this can be happening. Some take longer. I took a year and a half until we called it official.

Dating in a distance is something else. Once you get to see each other and one of you has to say goodbye and go back to your homeland, that when it hits hard. So hard. You have a good time together and all of a sudden... Poof! Congratulations, you are all alone in your room again. FANCY! 

When I say I don’t know how I survive it this long, I mean it. I was always that type of a clingy-needy-jealous girl. (Real deal for a girlfriend material, ain’t it?) I got paranoid when someone didn’t text me back for an hour. I couldn’t fully trust them though how hard I tried. I was very low on my self-esteem and self-confidence. While searching for someone to understand and like me for me, I didn’t even like myself. Why did I expect such things from them? That was exhausting.

As of now, I am doing pretty fine with this relationship. I don’t get a trust issue anymore. Though like other couples, we once had a huge issue, and it almost broke us apart. I gave him (and also me) a second chance to see how this could go. Four years later, not only have I been holding a serious relationship this long, my perspective in dating and relationships also changes from being possessive into just loving one another while both of you can love yourself too.

Maturity plays a big part in this change for sure. But also, I give Timothy a full credit for bringing out the best (yet) in me and encouraging me in every possible way. I couldn’t thank him enough.

My best friend took this photo of us in 2018, I just found it out a few days ago lol

I think trust and communication are the keys. Like any couple, these are required. And even more needed than ever when it comes to a long distance relationship. Of course, other things like love and compassion and such are important too. But if you can't trust your partner, that is for sure very toxic for any relationship. If you don’t or can't express how much you love your partner or why you do things to them the way you do, how would they know and understand you? 

In a long distance relationship, you need to work even harder to assure your partner how much you love them and there is nothing to worry about. There were some times when the idea of Timothy cheating on me popped in my head. Instead of being paranoid and all jealous out of the blue, I just acknowledge that thought and let go. If it happens, it happens. And it will be his loss HA! (Can you see how confident I am now? My younger self would be so proud of me 😎)

Why do I think this way? Well, if you do your best to keep the relationship strong, you have nothing to regret if it ends, even good or bad. Yes, it would be really sad and painful being cheated on, but sis, save that for later. You do your best for now.

What else matters… OH YES. MONEY. You don’t have to count how many times I wish I was rich because it’s countless. Money also matters when you are so far away from each other, you desperately want to fly to get back and spend a good time together again. Flights are not free and sure as heck are not cheap. (A long flight is also a pain in the 🙊)

Making money means working it off. And working means you have a limited amount of time for your days off to spend with each other and make the best memories out of it. It seems lovely writing a cute caption with our reunion photos to post on SNS but it turns so ugly when things slowly come to the time someone needs to go back.

And that comes to saying goodbye at the airport. URGH. I remember crying on the train on my way back home alone. The sadness hit me even harder when I came back to my empty room but the smell of Timothy's perfume still stuck in the air. I always end up bawling my eyes out when I am home after sending him to the airport. The distance between us gets in our way again.

But one thing that still keeps us together until today would be the encouragement we always have for each other. After all those important things above- love, compassion, trust, communication, money, and the list goes on, it wouldn’t matter at all if someone fights the distance all alone. You have to work it out, together, as a team.

Last but not least, I am not saying that I have the most successful relationship no one could ever compare. Timothy and I surely have a (very) long journey to go and I am counting to the day that there’s no distance between us anymore. So, successful or not, who am I to tell?

And by the way, thank you for reading :)